How to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage

How to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage

Building and rebuilding trust is a great investment in your marriage. Why is it an investment? Because trust in marriage decreases conflict, increases happiness, and strengthens your ability to overcome challenges as a married couple. The time and energy you put into trust can pay great dividends. 

So how do couples regain trust once it has been broken? 

How can you build a loving, trusting relationship despite all the inevitable challenges that come with married life? What happens when, whether from one big event or the buildup of many smaller ones, the trust between you has been broken? Can marriage be saved? 

Yes, it can! 

How YOU Can Beat a Porn Habit and Save Your Marriage

How YOU Can Beat a Porn Habit and Save Your Marriage

One of the best things to come out of my struggles with pornography is an ability to help others. There are so many couples out there struggling under the weight of a pornography problem, and they need practical advice and insight in that fight. Beating pornography is tough, and I want others to know it is possible and what steps they might take to find success...

Let Success Feed Success

Let Success Feed Success

I have worked with myself to overcome a number of bad habits throughout my life. Some of these habits were big, while others were small. Making progress on any of them – big or small – has helped me build resilience and confidence in my ability to improve myself. That resilience and confidence to change has played a big role in my getting to where I am today.

But one natural tendency I have often limits how much progress I make, especially in the short-term: negativity...

Pornography's big lie: Sex comes easy

Blake and I have discussed how one of the most damaging components of pornography is the notion that sex comes easy. According to media portrayal of the sexual act, it is quick, passionate, almost effortless, and both people involved readily and easily reach climax.

This lie can be especially damaging once one enters into marriage and begins engaging in sexual activity...only to discover that sex, like everything else wonderful and good about marriage, takes some work and concerted effort...

The "Suspicion" Monster

The "Suspicion" Monster

I have found something that can quickly kill my peace and happiness in my relationship with Blake: becoming suspicious.

Suspicion can become a serious problem in any relationship, but especially one that has dealt with the hurt and mistrust that accompanies a disclosure of pornography use. And the reason it is such a problem? It is unproductive. Let me explain why I have found suspicion to be problematic...

Strengthing Marriage by Overcoming Pornography: Blake's New Book

As I began my fight against pornography, I found I faced two tasks: 1) to break my addictive tendencies, and 2) to rekindle and strengthen my marriage. Both were important to me and both were closely linked.

It has been an extensive process and over the last few years I have had many people ask me to share what I did to improve in both of those areas. Especially important are the practical steps we have taken (and still are taking) to strengthen our marriage despite a pornography problem. I set out to write down all the tips I could think of…which started turning into a really long blog post.

Once that post hit twenty pages, and still more to add, I recognized the need to find a better way to share my story. So, rather than a post, I wrote a book...

Q&A: The Weekly Checkup

Q&A: The Weekly Checkup

Liesel and I often get questions from couples creating a plan for working together against pornography. We love responding to these questions, and we hope that by sharing some of our experiences we can help others strengthen their marriages. Here is our response to a great question we recently received:

I just found your site this week and have found it very inspirational. My husband and I are going to be having our first weekly checkin this next Sunday and I'm just kind of wondering how you guys go about this if there was an accident. What kind of questions should I ask so we can have a productive conversation without me sounding too harsh and him getting too defensive? Any suggestions would be very appreciated.

Reconnecting: How Donkey Kong Saved our Marriage

Blake and I are no strangers to stress. Life seems to run at a rapid pace and I find that, at times, I forget who I am in all the rush. An additional danger is when I also forget why Blake and I are such a great fit for one another, that we were friends and lovers before we were housemates, parents, and busy, working adults. I can always tell when there is need for re-balancing and reconnecting because something feels...off. I am easily irritable and I tend to see Blake's faults more readily. Add to normal, everyday stress the strain of a pornography use confession, continued problem, or a relapse and you could be wondering why you even chose this person to marry.

I certainly felt that in the months following Blake’s disclosure. We were very disconnected during that time. We needed something to do together; something that would distract us from our pain and frustration; something to help us reconnect...